After Midnight

While I sit in amazement that we made it,
Barely, thru our first year
I realize that it is still a test.
A test of faith;
A test of hope;
A test of love.
There were, and still are,
Obsticles that threaten to
Impede the progress we've made
Towards a life together.
Distance is the biggest one
Facing us now.

After midnight, I sit here
Knowing you love me, yet
Wondering if a life together is possible.
We are so different, and yet,
So much alike.
We gave a brief try months ago;
Months that seem like years, looking back.
We know we can do it again...
The timing has to be just right
Everything has to be in its proper place;
It must be perfect,
Because we cannot afford to fail
This time;

I see you clearly in my mind's eye.
You stand proudly against the Louisiana sky
Ready, and able, to rewrite your life.
You have the desire, the drive, the determination
To succeed where you have before fallen short.
It takes courage to come back to your hometown
And in the face of those accustomed to seeing you fail
Begin to take the steps to finally prove them
Wrong in their haste to condemn.
Because this time you have something different

You have me. I love you.


©2003, all rights reserved

This Is a Test

A test of faith.

In the last year, everything in my life as I know it had been turned upside-down. I got fired from a job that I really didn't like, but needed; I was diagnosed with a chronic illness; I had intimate relationships with men who were not really good for my self esteem; And, I fell unalterably in love with a man who I am certain cares for me deeply, but just doesn't realize it, because he is fighting his own demons and undergoing his own test of faith right now.

I have done a lot of growing in the last year. I know what I am capable of, that I am worthy of affection, that I can have male friends without having to sleep with them; one in particular, though strongly attracted to me by his own admission, had to resist being intimate with me because he didn't want to stray from his live in girlfriend. That in and of itself gave me great respect for him, though at the time, I was very hurt.

I have this to say about that: if he was so attracted to me to the point of possibly cheating, then how strong is that relationship?

But, I digress.

I have to have faith, because my life depends on my reactions to the situation I currently find myself in. The faith I have in myself, and my self worth are all I have. If I don't have that, then I have nothing. I just pray that my love, wherever he is at this very moment, has that same faith. He's been though so much more in his lifetime than I have in mine, and I am older than he is by a dozen years.

I told him that no matter what, I will always love him, and will always be there for him if he needs me.

Keep the faith. It's all you have. That, and me.

©2003, all right reserved

Swept Away One Night

You showed me a new world
One where I felt I belonged
No one judging me, assuming the worst
About the life I lead that they knew nothing about.
You taught me lessons I should have
already known
I needed a reminder that I was worthy
of the love you so freely gave to me
Your wisdom belies your youth
Lessons you learned under duress
I never experienced the things you had
seen at such a young age.
Thank you for caring, thank you for loving me.
Thank you for the man you are
You don't have to hide behind your tough looks
Because I've seen the gentle soul inside.
This is the man with whom
I fell completely, utterly, unalterably in love.
Look in the mirror, cher ami
It is you...

©2003, all rights reserved